it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
