And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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