ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize