one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
it's like iHOP with fire
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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