i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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