My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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