when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
