He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
