last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
