Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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