i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
