he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
