i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
