He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
