It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
