grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the condom got lost in my hair
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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