mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
