Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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