Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
