i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
