Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
