can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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