dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My pussy is not your playground.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
