i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
