bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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