my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage