I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.