i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
