I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
