I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.