I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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