i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize