um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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