The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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