Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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