I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
