Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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