girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
