he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You made out with two different species that night
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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