I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
