Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He felt like a one man threesome
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
wow bdsm is so cute
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
