You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
