There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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