note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
