there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
