Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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