Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
