i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
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He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
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He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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