I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Text me some of your sweat
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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