I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
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Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
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i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.