wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
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before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
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I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers