im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.