I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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