So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you had me at cake vodka
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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