I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
