i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
