My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
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I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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