They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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