i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
this is an emotional support booty call
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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