So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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