she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize