Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
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so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
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If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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