Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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