On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
