Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
