North Korea, Best Korea!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
