Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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