remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
