He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
