Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Me too!
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
