it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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