I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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