Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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