awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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