We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
