But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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