Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
