plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
