My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I am mentally ready for anal.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
